The wise—and deeply human—words shared by a loving family friend to a grieving husband at the funeral of his young wife.
Out of all the things said during that heartbreaking time, those were the words that stuck. And they’re still remembered to this day.
My partner, Matt, lost his wife at the young age of 41. When I asked him what made him feel truly cared for during that time—what made him feel seen and listened to—he said that was the best thing anyone said to him.
Simple. Validating.
What does feeling cared for and listened to sound and look like?
- “That must be very difficult.”
- “Can you tell me more about what’s happening?”
- “Let me make sure I’m hearing you correctly. You’re saying…”
- “I imagine that this is weighing on you a lot.”
- “Can I offer you advice, help or just a listening ear?”
They’re signs of listening, of validating someone’s experience, of being a leader who is truly trying to understand.
Gallup’s research shows that compassion is a primary need (number three of four things) people have from their leaders. However, when I looked at the definition of compassion Gallup is using—the need to feel cared for and listened to—it sounds more like empathy.
Brené Brown’s work on empathy has changed the way I lead. Not just at work, but at home, with friends, with Matt—honestly, in almost every relationship I have. It’s a muscle I’ve been working to build.
And I’ll admit—it doesn’t always come naturally to me to listen to understand. As the youngest of three siblings, defensiveness came more easily.
When I’m working with a team or coaching someone one-on-one, I often ask, “What strength did you think would show up in your Top 5 profile?” More often than not, people say, “Empathy.”
But when you talk to someone who actually has Empathy in their Top 5, you can feel the difference. You see how someone who naturally thinks, feels, and behaves through an empathetic lens responds to others. It’s a different energy.
That doesn’t mean if it’s not your natural inclination, you can’t build the muscle. For me, that muscle is Individualization. I focus on the person in front of me as a unique individual—with their own needs, talents, and lived experiences. I ask myself, “How can I care for this person right now?”
That’s the strength I lean into when I want people to feel seen, heard, and cared for. It helps me quiet the old habits of childhood defensiveness (and yes, Chelene, I did take your clothes without asking. You were totally right to be mad. That must have been very difficult for you. See? I’ve gotten pretty good at this!).
So when Gallup says people need to feel cared for and listened to, I come back to the power of validation. Because listening is more than silence. It’s responding in ways that affirm someone’s reality.
As leaders, sometimes we forget to communicate the why. Or we assume people already understand it. Or worse—we’re not in a position to share the full story yet. And in those moments, it’s not even about the explanation. It’s about the feeling.
If people don’t feel heard—if it becomes a one-way exercise in defending decisions—then people won’t feel cared for.
Even in the most difficult moments—layoffs, departures, organizational change—how we show up matters. Taking the time to listen, validate, and truly care can be the difference between a severed relationship and one that ends with integrity.
In team development, from forming to storming to norming and performing (and even dissolution), empathy and compassion make the difference. They build trust. They strengthen culture. They foster belonging.
Think about recruitment:
- “So I’m hearing that you’re looking to work from home three days a week?”
- “I understand that you need to reschedule your interview due to a family situation.”
- “Tell me more about what kinds of environments you thrive in.”
None of this means you’re going to say yes to every request. But it does mean you’re creating a space where people feel heard. That creates alignment. And if it’s not the right fit? That’s okay, too. The care still matters.
This applies all the way through the life cycle of leadership. I can’t help but compare it to parenting. Different stages bring different needs. Feeling cared for and heard is at the center of it all. I’ve caught myself slipping into that old-school, 1980s “because I said so” mode with my kids. Even when I think I’m being caring, I’m reminded that listening is an act of care.
Whether a team member is growing out of a role or you’re facing a misalignment in values, practicing compassion—even in difficult departures—separates true leaders from fool’s gold.
One of the greatest compliments I’ve ever received was when someone left our team and said, “I outgrew my role here.” We threw them a party. Not because we were happy to lose them—but because we cared. We were proud. We cheered them on as they took their skills elsewhere.
And when the ending isn’t mutual—layoffs, terminations—there are still ways to lead with compassion. I’ve been on both sides. It’s hard. But you can maintain your strength and your humanity. Care for the human in front of you.
Right now, the world feels chaotic on a daily basis. Gallup’s research on leadership couldn’t come at a better time. We need to pause and ask ourselves: how can we show up better?
Hope. How can I offer hope, in my family, at work, with friends?
Trust. What can I do to deepen trust with the people who rely on me?
Compassion. During COVID, so many leaders experienced compassion fatigue. I think that’s because we thought we had to fix everything. But sometimes, all that’s needed is a listening ear. A simple:
“That sucks.”
“That must be hard.”
That might be all it takes for someone to feel heard. To feel cared for.
Next week, we’ll dive into another one of Gallup’s findings: stability. In today’s world, it’s a big one to unpack—and I can’t wait.
Speaking of caring for people and helping them find the right fit—whether you’re a leader, a mentor, or someone navigating your next step—it’s all connected. If you’re looking for a fresh opportunity or know someone who is, here’s this week’s roundup of jobs in career education, WIL, and student success across Canada. 👇
Nova Scotia
- Associate Director, Student Leadership Academy – Dalhousie University
Apply here – Closes April 17, 2025
- Manager, Entrepreneurship – Nova Scotia Community College
Apply here – Closes April 17, 2025
- Manager, Student Care & Community Standards – Nova Scotia Community College
Apply here – Closes April 15, 2025
Ontario
- Manager, Student Life – University of Niagara Falls
Apply here – No date given
- Co-op Advisor (5 one-year contracts) – University of Waterloo
Apply here – No date given
- Educational Developer – International Co-op/WIL Programs (1-year term) – University of Waterloo
Apply here – No date given
- Employment Advisor (Limited Term) – Ontario Tech University
Apply here – Closes April 17, 2025
- Strategic Partnerships Officer – External Relations (Limited Term) – Ontario Tech University
Apply here – Closes April 18, 2025
- Co-op Job Developer (Term) – University of Guelph
Apply here – Closes April 15, 2025
- Transition to Work Specialist (Part-Time, Ongoing) – Humber College
Apply here – Closes April 16, 2025
- Career Engagement & Education Specialist (2-year term) – Humber College
Apply here – Closes April 16, 2025
- Work-Integrated Learning Officer (1-Year Term) – Humber College
Apply here – Closes April 13, 2025
- Community Service-Learning Officer – Nipissing University
Apply here – Closes April 11, 2025
Saskatchewan
- Volunteer & Experiential Learning Coordinator (Term) – University of Regina
Apply here – Closes April 14, 2025
Alberta
- Director, Student Service Centre – University of Alberta
Apply here – Closes April 23, 2025
British Columbia
- Director, SFU Partnerships Hub – Simon Fraser University
Apply here – Closes April 14, 2025
- Co-op Career Advisor & Industry Partner (Leave Replacement) – University of British Columbia
Apply here – Closes April 23, 2025
- Co-op Coordinator – University of British Columbia
Apply here – Closes April 21, 2025
- Experiential Learning Advisor, Mastercard Foundation Scholars Program – University of British Columbia
Apply here – Closes April 14, 2025